


Impossible?  A Wizard Knows No Such Word

by Merlinsapprentice



Category: Undertale (Videogame) - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern with Magic, Asshole Relatives Are Assholes, Depression, F/M, Fluff, HIATUS COLLEGE, Healing over Time, Love Conquers All, Mommy Issues, Music is Powerful, Not really that good just go about your daily lives please, Reader is a wizard, Sexual Content, Swearing, Weird Idea I suddenly Had, sans fucked up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-07-19 11:18:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7359112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merlinsapprentice/pseuds/Merlinsapprentice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your family has a secret-you're all powerful wizards who-most of them, at least, use their magic for good and to help others.  Your father was the Head Wizard of the household.  He worked with a government agency working to help create cures to solve the world's illnesses until he was mysteriously murdered.</p><p>Inheriting his position and responsibilities, you are sent to one of your father's closest friends and customers to remain safe from your father's murderers.</p><p>After losing your near perfect life, could the skeletons living there be the ones to help heal your broken heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

_I am a Lost Boy from Neverland_  
_Usually hanging out with Peter Pan_  
_And when we're bored, we play in the woods_  
_Always on the run from Captain Hook_  
_"Run, run, lost boy." They say to me_  
_Away from all of reality..._  
_Neverland is home to Lost Boys like me_  
_And lost boys like me are free._

-Ruth B, Lost Boy

 

  
You stared out the window of the car, watching as the grasslands you had once adored for its beauty with dull eyes, your face void of emotion as your long time friend and elderly caretaker, Jaques Crocker, watched you with empathy as you both sat side by side in the car.

Your father had passed a week ago from an unknown murder. Jaques and you had found him in his study when you had enthusiastically went to show him your first successful potion.

He had returned back from a visit with your relatives. His body laid on the floor, with blood seeping out of his wounds. Jaques had tried to cover your eyes, but you it was for naught. The image of your beloved father was burned into your mind. You tightly clutched the hem of your formal dress. You still remembered that day like it was yesterday....

_"Look, Jaques! I made a healing potion. And it didn't explode!"_

_"Well done, Y/n. You'll be as good of a wizard as your father one day, I'm sure." He chuckled and pet the top of your head._

_"It's beautiful, isn't it?" You sighed happily and stared at the glowing Aqua potion shining through its vial. "I'm going to go show Dad!" You declared, unable to wait to see your father's face full of pride and love, and ran to your father's wizard room with Jaques trying to keep apace with you._

_"Y/n please be careful!" You laughed and hopped up the stairs, dashing past the winding hallways until you reached your father's room and threw the door open._

_"Dad look I made-". You stopped when you saw your father's body, I've filling your veins. "...Dad?..." The vial fell from your hands and broke into shards as you felt as though your heart had been stabbed right through the heart._

_"Y/n!" Jaques had caught up to you and took in the horrific sight himself, quickly pulling you close to him and covering your eyes. "Please don't look!"_

  
_After the funeral, your relatives had deemed you the new Head Wizard of the L/N household because you were your father's only child. As if losing the most important person in your life meant you should be happy about your new position. Assholes._

Throughout that week you had been targeted day after day from failed assassination attempts ranging from poisoned food, suicide gunners, to drugging. Jaques had convinced your relatives that you should stay with trustworthy old friends/clients of your father's until the authorities had caught the murderers. After losing your father, your lifetime best friend referring to you only on formal terms, new heavy responsibilities and stick up their asses relatives trying to use you for power and/or influence, and constant assassination attempts, it was no surprise that you had nightmares at night and had now portrayed little to no emotions.

So here you were, leaving the home you had lived in for your entire life with the best father anyone could ever ask for buried six feet under ground, on your way to live with complete strangers who you've heard our father talk about on rare occasions.

You found it unfair how life was. Wizards can't die from age. But they could die from other things.

"We're almost there, Mistress Y/N." He said, trying to break the ice. "I'm sure you'll love it in the Squelette household. You're father always told us about how wonderful the boys there were, yes?" He chuckled, though it quickly stopped when he realized your face had saddened.

"Mistress Y/n? Are you alright?" He asked quietly. You slowly turned to look at him, the saddened expression in your face leaving to rest in your otherwise emotionless eyes.

"You used to call me Y/n." Jaques winced but continued to smile remorsefully. "My apologies, Mistress, but with your father gone, I'm afraid that you must retain the titles befitting the Head Wizard of the L/n family."

You stared at Jaques for a moment before looking back out the window, seeing a large mansion coming into view. It was nice. Defiantly something your father would have liked. Modern and fashionable, while at the same time having a homey appeal to it. (https://www.google.co.id/search?q=awesome.wizard+mansions&rlz=1CDGOYI_enUS693US693&hl=en-US&prmd=ivsn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjy9aHlwNLNAhWDrI8KHR6qDOAQ_AUICCgB&biw=320&bih=492#hl=en-US&tbm=isch&q=awesome+mansions&imgrc=TbTjHMLtoYnMzM%3A)

"Here we are, Mistress." Jaques opened the door for you and you stepped out, grabbing your suitcase as you stared up the front of the mansion. Jaques took out your father's book of spells and handed it to you. You placed it inside your handbag with a sober thank you. Jaques closed the black Camaro's trunk and stood in front of you.

"Do you have your phone?"

"Yes. It's in my dress pocket."

"Ah. Your...feminine...products?"

"Yes."

"Your photo album of-". He swallowed and you saw his eyes glisten with water. "-family?" The photos of your father, Jaques, and you throughout the years.

"Of course."

"I...I suppose this is it, then. Until the perpetrators are caught and severely punished."

"Yes."

You stared up at Jaques and he looked away from you. Despite everything that had happened, he was one of two of your best and only friends. And now he was going to leave you, too.

"Jaques?"

"Yes Mistress?" He looked back at you with a sad smile.

"I know you believe I am a Mistress now, and that this may be improper, but..." You felt tears well up in your own eyes and you held your arms out. "May I please have one last hug?"

Jaques stared at you before needing down to your heart and wrapping you in a tight embrace. He let go and wiped his eyes after a moment, cleaning his glasses as he sniffed. "I...Goodbye, Mistress."

"Bye, Jack." A nickname you had always called him. You heard him choke and force back more years before he abruptly turned, furiously wiping his eyes with his arm. "F-farewell, young Mistress."

You watched as your father's Camaro drove off, disappearing down the paved road until all that remained of your friend's presence was a cloud of dust. You turned and made your way up the steps.

Raising one hand, you knocked on the door a couple times before ringing the bell once. It echoed throughout the mansion and you heard a chorus of voices arguing coming to a halt.

"COMING!" You heard a slightly distorted voice call and rapid footsteps approach the door. You hardly blinked as the door was practically thrown open. You looked down at a small skeleton with starry eyes, dressed in a light blue ascot and...battle armor? How cute.

"OH HELLO!" He smiled. "YOU MUST BE Y/N, YES?" You nodded.

"I am. May I please come in?" He frowned sadly at your emotionless tone before smiling again. "YES OF COURSE!" He moved over and closed the door for you once you were inside. "MY NAME'S BLUE, BY THE WAY."

"A pleasure to meet you, Blue Squelette." Blue lead you to the living room, where other skeletons-two of which looked similar to Blue and the other, taller three looking similar to each other turned to look at you. "EVERYONE, THIS IS Y/N!"

You let go of your suitcase to curtsy, making two menacing skeletons dressed in spiky red and black clothing to smirk at you. "It's a pleasure to meet you all."

"Nice to meet you too, Y/n." One of the taller ones in a red-orange hoodie with a cigarette said. "My name's Orange."

"i'm sans." small skeleton with a blue hoodie.

"AND I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS!" A tall skeleton with battle armor similar to Blue's said with an enthusiastic grin.

"name's red, doll face." A short skeleton with a red and black hoodie winked at you. The tall skeleton with sharp teeth and spiky red and black clothes rolled his specters at his brother.

"I AM BLACK."....Well now....

"NOW THAT WE'RE ALL ACQUAINTED," Blue grabbed our free hand. "LET ME SHOW YOU TO YOUR ROOM!"

"Okay." The others stared at you in surprise as you remained emotionless even as Blue practically dragged you at super speed up the stairs to your room.

"Damn. She must've been hit hard, dudes." Orange said and shook his head. The other skeletons nodded, though the red and black clothed skeletons looked as though they didn't really care. Which they probably didn't.

"HOW LONG IS SHE STAYING AGAIN?" The other skeletons internally sighed at Black's aggravated tone. "AND WHY EXACTLY IS SHE SO IMPORTANT? JUST BECAUSE WE PURCHASED SOME GOODS FROM HER FATHER DOESN'T MEAN SHE HAS ANY USE."

"that doesn't matter. a normal human with a great father like that-and a nice SOUL to boot-deserves a little help now and then, black." He snorted and rolled his eyes at Sans's retort but remained silent as he stood.

"IM GOING TO CHECK IF OUR COMPANY'S REACHED ITS DAILY QUOTA. HURRY ALONG RED."

"sure thing boss." The two skeletons went to their business room to check on their Weapon Selling Company's progress.

"WE SHOULD CHECK ON OUR COMPANY TOO, SANS. SEE HOW ARE TOY MERCHANTS ARE BRINGING HAPPINESS TO THE WORLD ONE ACTION FIGURE AT A TIME!" Papyrus said and quickly started to walk to their business room. Sans chuckled and followed behind his brother.

"sure thing Paps. just try not you around too much with the equipment."

"BROTHER WHY?!"

"heheheheh."

  
"HERE WE ARE!" Blue declared and opened the large room for you. "WE HOPE YOU LIKE IT. WE DIDN'T KNOW WHAT COLORS YOU WOULD LIKE, SO WE KEPT IT WHITE. THAT WAY, YOU COULD PAINT AND STYLIZE IT THE WAY YOU LIKE!" You have the skeleton a half-smile, the best you could do, and patted his head.

"Thank you, Blue. It's very considerate of you all."

His eyes turned starry again and he hugged you happily. "OH IM SO GLAD! I WILL LEAVE YOU TO ACCOMMODATE YOURSELF." He said and politely closed the door for you.

You began to unpack your suitcase and place your clothes in the empty drawers. You packed your father's spell book inside your satchel into a hidden compartment in the drawer. Then, you placed the suitcase with some other clothes into the closet and began to climb into the bed, closing your eyes.

If you tried hard enough, you could pretend that your father was still there. That he would laugh at how his magical cream puff was such a lazy head and throw the curtains open to wake you up. That he would try-and fail miserably-to cook an edible breakfast for you and Jaques. That you two would spend his free time practicing spells, making potions, or practicing combat for self-defense. That he trusted and respected all your decisions in life and supported you all the way. That he helped you through your dark times when you're mother left after abusing you as a young child. That he would tuck you in at night, despite being a big girl, and softly kiss your forehead, whispering how lucky he was to have the best girl in the world.

You felt tears slide down your face as you cried silently, your face emotionless otherwise. You realized one of the old sayings that Jaques was often find of telling you and your father was true.

You don't truly appreciate how wonderful something is until it's gone.

Why was it that this lesson seemed to repeat itself for you?

 


	2. Dinner and Dancing

_Where's your shame_  
_You've left us up to our necks in it_  
_Time may change me_  
_But you can't trace time_

_Strange fascination, fascinating me_  
_Changes are taking the pace_  
_I'm going through._

-David Bowie, _Strange Changes_

 

Blue wondered how you were holding up. The others knew that something had happened to your father and that he was gone now, but they didn't know what exactly happened. Neither did he. But losing a father wasn't the easiest thing to go through, they did know that.

He decided to check on you while Papyrus cooked dinner, much to everyone else's horror. As much as a nice guy he was, both he and Orange couldn't cook to save their lives. Maybe he could sneak you some Monster Candy so you wouldn't die from eating his spaghetti. Sans gently knocked on the door.

"Y/N? CAN I COME IN?" No response. He frowned. You hadn't seemed like a rude person. He pressed his head against the door and heard silent, steady breathing. Were you asleep?

He opened the door and, sure enough, you were asleep on the bed, arms on your sides. Blue gently reached out to wake you up. "Y/N, DINNER WILL BE READY S-". He was surprised that your hand shot out and grabbed his arm with lightning speed, your eyes barely opening with grogginess.

"Huh-what?" You let go of his arm and groaned, rubbing your eyes. "Sorry, Blue. It's a...habit." Blue smiled. "DO NOT WORRY, Y/N. IT DID NOT HURT, AND I AM SURE YOU MEANT NO ILL INTENT. I WANTED YOU TO WARN YOU-DINNER'S COOKED BY PAPYRUS."

"Okay?"

"HE CAN'T COOK." Blue clarified.

"Ah. Okay." Blue sighed and walked with you out of the room. "SO SORRY AND WE CAN PLAY VIDEO GAMES AFTER. PAPYRUS AND I HAVE JUST DANCE-THAT'S ALWAYS FUN!"

"Sure." Blue chatted happily and you replied to the best extent as you two made your way to the dinner table. It was in an oval form and had a mat over it for messes. You pulled yourself a chair and seat next to Blue as Papyrus came in with a a bowl of pink, glittery spaghetti.

That was not how spaghetti should look...

"FRIENDS! I HAVE MADE SPAGHETTI CELEBRATING Y/N'S ARRIVAL. I HOPE YOU ENJOY IT, Y/N!" The other skeletons gave you quick, sympathetic glances as the...dish...was placed on their own plates.

You picked up a fork and twirled the pasta before placing the bite into your mouth.

!!!!

It was indescribable. Just like your father's cooking...

Papyrus looked at you with happy, expectant eyes. "WELL? HOW IS IT?" After years of tasting your father's hazardous cooking, both you and Jaques had developed a strong immunity to any and all bad foods. This being one of those times that it came to use where how terrible it was didn't bother you physically but more on a mental level. But you're father-and Papyrus-put all their effort into cooking it because they cared. They cared for you.

So it wasn't hard at all that a small half smile came to your lips and you gazed up at the tall skeleton with fond eyes. "It's absolutely amazing. Thank you very much for making this for me, Papyrus. I love it." The others gaped at you in shock that not only you weren't dying, but you were eating it as if it was okay?

They looked at their own spaghetti and took a tiny bite. Maybe it really wasn't that ba-okay no it was horrible. So how were you eating it?!

Papyrus nyehed-yes, nyehed and happily hugged himself. "I'M SO HAPPY! FINALLY SOMEONE APPRECIATES MY COOKING TALENTS! I SHALL CLEAN THE KITCHEN AND JOIN YOU SHORTLY. I HOPE YOU CONTINUE TO ENJOY YOUR SPAGHETTI, Y/N!" As soon as Papyrus was out of sight and earshot, the other skeletons turned to stare at you.

"how the fuck are you still alive?" Red stared at you, disbelieving Taft you looked completely unaffected by this toxic waste.

You gave all the skeletons a deadpanned look. "My father couldn't cook for shit. Jaques and I sort of developed an immunity to atrocious cooking as a result." Sans stared at you with a beaming grin while the others had similar impressed looks.

You thoughtfully tapped your chin. "Now that I think about it, it's provably why I didn't die from that food poisoning a few days ago. It should've been strong enough to kill someone instantaneously, but Jaques and I were fine."

You checked to make sure Papyrus was still preoccupied before grabbing your plate of spaghetti. "Now if you'll excuse me, I'd like to get this over with. I apologize before hand for bad table manners." You said before tilting the plate back and downing all the spaghetti with one gulp, not a trace of it leaving a mess anywhere around you except on your lips, which had some glitter on them.

The skeletons stared at you again. What kind of cooking had your father done to make you able to do that and act like everything was all fine and dandy?

"You're father's a riot, hon." Orange chuckled and took a sip of his water. You did your half smile.

"He was the greatest."

"WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?" The small smile fell from your face and you looked down. The other skeletons glared at Black for the personal question and were about to berate him when you looked back up again, your angry, pained eyes surprising them greatly.

"He was murdered in cold blood, body laying on the floor of his room." A silence filled the room as Blue reached an arm out to pat your own.

"MY APOLOGIZES FOR ASKING." Black winced and you looked up at him, the intense stare gone replaced with its tired, dull one.

"It's fine. You didn't know."

The silent atmosphere was broken when Papyrus came back. He frowned as he took in everyone's gloomy looks. "YOU ALL LOOK LIKE YOU'VE SEEN A GHOST! WHY SO GLOOMY?"

You tiredly smiled at him. "Don't worry about it, Papyrus. It's nothing."

"IF YOU'RE SURE..." The tall skeleton said. He looked at everyone else's and saw they had been eaten (read: Magic was used to promptly throw away the nuclear waste). "I KNOW! HOW ABOUT WE PLAY A GAME?"

"OOOH OH!" Blue gushed. "WE CAN PLAY JUST DANCE! I WAS TELLING Y/N ABOUT IT EARLIER." Blue turned to look at you. "CAN YOU DANCE, Y/N?"

"I know a few moves..."You started and the small skeleton jumped up in his seat. "PERFECT! LEAVE THE CLEANING TO ME!" You watched as Blue cleaned the kitchen and table faster than the eye could blink, standing before you with a proud expression on his face. "DONE!"

"Guess there's no way out, huh?" Orange chuckled. "A'ight. Come on edgies." He said to the menacing skeletons and they glared at him.

  
You stared at the television screen in front of you, mind blank. The skeletons were slightly amused and concerned by your reaction. Having taken their turns dancing to their respective songs-Papyrus and Sans teamed up for the Pasta Song, Orange and Blue teamed up for the Stamp On the Ground song, and even the edgy brothers joined for Get Away With Murder. You didn't even realize a family friendly game had that song...it was concerning, to say the least.

You could dance the Tango, the Flamenco, the Viennese Waltz, and many more. However, you refused-in fucking Hell-to dance to the monstrosity in front of you.

"I can't do this."

"BUT Y/N IT WILL BE FINE! WE WON'T LAUGH AT YOU, PROMISE!" Blue begged, doing his best pouty expression.

"I MAKE NO SUCH PROMISES." Black declared and was promptly smacked in the back of the head by a blue bone. "WHO DID THAT?!" You chuckled internally as Sans's winked towards you.

"I'm sorry, Blue, but I really really really don't want to dance to this song."

"BUT IT WILL BE CUTE!" Papyrus whimpered, joining Blue with the puppy dog expressions.

But it's fucking Popiko. Like hell were you dancing to that.

"I'll dance, but please-do something else. Anything but that."

A dark grin crossed Red's face. "anything?"

...Okay, probably shouldn't have said that...

He took the remote from Blue's hand and changed it to-why. WHY.

"Red?" You said in monotone as the song began to start.

"yes?"

"You're evil."

"and I love every moment." He laughed. You sighed and began to dance. Of all the songs, he was going to make you dance to I'm An Albatroaz. You had heard enough of that song when you're father and Jaques had gotten addicted to it and sang it on loop for two days straight.

It was easy enough to dance to, though the skeletons laughed when you refused to lay on the floor, wanting to, 'preserve what little dignity you had left,' as you danced. Soon enough, all of you had taken a turn and had had enough of the game.

"WASN'T THAT FUN, Y/N?" Blue chirped and you gathered yourself, slightly out of breath. "Self preservation dictates no reply."

"MAYBE NEXT WE CAN WATCH A MOVIE!" Papyrus said excitedly.

Orange and Sans checked the time. "sorry bro, but it's getting pretty late."

"Sans is right, Blue. It's past your bed time."

"AWW!" The two overly energetic skeletons whined. They then brightened and ran over to you.

"Y/N! WILL YOU HAVE A SLEEPOVER WITH US?!" You blinked at the request. You hardly knew these guys, let alone slept in the same room with them before. But even without using your magic you could tell that Papyrus and Blue were some of the sweetest things in existence. And who could refuse such adorable cuties?

"I...suppose I could." They squealed and hugged you tight. "YAY!" Black and Red rolled their eyes at the sight.

"yeah get all up on each other with your s-" two bones hit him upside the head and he glared at Orange and Sans, who both shrugged innocently.

You had went to your room and changed into your pajamas. They were simple, really. A purple tank top and black shorts. You then went out and headed towards Blue's room, where Papyrus had said the sleepover would be.

"Hello?"

"Y/N!" Blue immediately opened the door to smile at you but paused when his eyes landed on your attire, a light blue color spreading across his face. You raised an eyebrow and bent to his height. "Are you alright, Blue? You look, well, blue."

He grinned weakly. "OH, UH, YES. PERFECT. UMM...ARE THOSE YOUR PAJAMAS?"

"Yes. I'm sorry, are they too informal?"

"NO NO, ITS FINE, JUST, AH....YOU ARE VERY PRETTY." He stammered out and you pet the top of his head. "Thank you."

Papyrus had a similar reaction when you came in and Blue closed the door.

"Y/N H-W-WOWIE! YOU, UH....LOOK NICE?" His face turned orange as he looked at the ground shyly.

"Thank you." You got in the sleeping bag on the floor and made yourself comfortable, making the two skeletons relax slightly know that you were properly covered.

"Good night Blue. Good night Papyrus." The two skeletons went into their own sleeping bags and yawned, tired as well.

"NIGHT, Y/N." Blue murmured before immediately falling asleep. Papyrus was already out cold. Nerds.

You closed your eyes and sighed. Today was a lot simpler-and easier-than you had thought it would be. Maybe living with these skeletons wouldn't be so bad after all.

 


	3. Adjusting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sweet jumpin' junipers I almost forgot about this. Wowza. Anyhow, it's not dead and I'm fairly certain where it's heading. Sorry to all who really like it and had to wait a long time. Y'all are amazing and I hope you enjoy this chappie!

  
**_Our Hero, our Hero, claims a warrior's heart_ ** ****_  
_ **_I tell you, I tell you, the Dragonborn comes_ ** ****_  
_ **_With a Voice wielding power of the ancient Nord arts_ ** ****_  
_ **_Believe, believe, the Dragonborn comes_ ** ****_  
_ ****_  
_ _-Dragonborn Comes, Malukah Fenix_   
  
  
  
_"Dad, why do humans hate monsters so much?"  Blue and red colors of light swirled around the dark, nebulous galaxy. From somewhere off in the distance, a few music notes drifted in the air from a tiny, ornamented music box resting atop a faded bureau._   
  
_Your father set you in his lap and he sighed.  "The same reason that they hate us, I'm afraid."_   
  
_The colors shifted, changing from light red and blue to a passionate ruby.  The ruby remained for a split second before it shattered, the color of an overwhelming fuchsia spiraling forth from the shards as the music box song ended with a haunting note._   
  
_"Humans fear what they don't understand.  Or, more accurately, what they can not control."_   
  
_Fuchsia and gold combined, the colors spinning like a raging storm until a heart was formed, glowing in the galactic haze.  The sound of a heartbeat was almost too quiet to hear.  Among the heart was the faintest glow of silver and jade, pulsing in time with the heart as it neared it.  Until, upon reaching the beating heart, it shattered into myriads of tiny shards that illuminated the darkness like blinding sparks of burning lightning._   
  
"Dad?"  You blinked your eyes open, adjusting your sight to the blurry images that surrounded your peripheral.  Sitting up, you realized that you were not home, but in the Squelette Mansion.  Right.  You remembered why, now.   
  
Sighing, you pushed the blankets aside and cautiously stepped around Blue and Papyrus.  Both skeletons were sound asleep.   
  
Adorable.   
  
You fixed their pillows and blankets, which had been moved around during their unconscious shifting, and gently tucked them in.  Then you left to the room you were staying in and closed the door softly behind you.   
  
Notes and papers were arranged in large, somewhat messy piles on the desk.  Dressing for the day, you looked for your father's book in the drawers, having hid it under the panties and bras inside.  You placed the large text on the desk and pulled out your own book, resting it besides your father's. Similarly to his, it was leather bound and full of notes on magic and science.  However, yours was smaller and detailed a few notes here and there, while your dad's had pages filled with experiments and precautions that were written long before you were born.

  
You would look through your father's book and jot down your observations into your own.  This, along with some outside research, could lead you to find out the reason for your father's death-and the bastard(s) responsible for it.     
  
Speaking of which, you'd have to see Tracey later.  With her connections, she may have found out about what had happened with you-and was lashing out at anyone in the underworld.   
  
You flipped to the most recent of your father's solo experiments-an attempt to extract the potentially harmful mutated DETERMINATION in a wizard’s DNA.  Your pen made small, scritch-scratch noises like a hen as you wrote.  It was important to note any and all references your father made to events outside of work, and how others viewed the experiment as well.   
  
It was perhaps about an hour or so when you decided to close the book.  A deep frown decorated your face as you returned the item to its  designated position. Nothing new yet.  Just some science experiments about a theoretical machine and the blueprints for the development of a strange prototype you didn't know what to make out of.

 

You were startled by enthusiastic knocking at your door and quickly used your magic to return everything into their normal positions.  Giving the room an approving once-over you twisted the door handle open to see Blue and Papyrus beaming at you.

 

“GOOD MORNING MS. -------!”  Blueberry proclaimed with his starry eyelights.

 

“Morning Blue, morning Papyrus.  To what do I owe this pleasure?”

 

“THE WONDERFUL SHIP THAT WILL ALWAYS SAIL-FRIENDSHIP!”

 

 _Canons sink ships._  “Could you reiterate that?”

 

Papyrus beamed, his wide grin somehow stretching even wider.  “MAKING NEW FRIENDS ALWAYS BENEFITS BOTH SIDES!  OH, AND IT’S TIME FOR BREAKFAST,” he added as an afterthought.

 

“I see.  Thank you for letting me know.”  You softly closed the door behind you and was surprised to see that Blueberry and Papyrus had stayed.  The two skeletons followed close behind you as the three of you went down the stairs.  It was like they were dead set on initiating you into their ‘Cult of Friendship’ or something similar.  “SO Y/N, WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN YOUR ROOM?”Papyrus inquired.

 

You gave your shoulders a casual roll.  “Nothing really.  Mostly my morning routine and such.”

 

“BY THE WAY, DID YOU HAVE FUN AT THE SLEEPOVER YESTERDAY?”  Blueberry’s eyelights shined at you with eager anticipation.  “I KNOW PAPYRUS AND I FELL ASLEEP SOONER THAN WE HOPED, BUT IT WAS NICE TO HAVE SOMEONE OVER.”

 

“It was nice, thank you.  I slept very well.”   _So much that I apparently had some kind of hallucinating dream sequence I hardly understand the meaning of_ , you thought.

 

Both their eyelights turned to happy stars.  “WONDERFUL!”  Blueberry clapped his hands together enthusiastically.

 

“NYEH HEH HEH HEH!”  Papyrus placed his hands on his hips.  “IT’S ONLY EXPECTED TO HAVE YOU AWED BY THE COMBINED EFFORTS OF-”  The two skeletons jumped into heroic battles stances and posed side by side.  “THE MAGNIFICENT BLUEBERRY AND THE GREAT PAPYRUS!”

 

“Copyright trademark,” you found yourself adding.

 

“PRECISELY!”  Upon reaching the end of the stairs Blue and Papyrus repositioned themselves at either of your sides.  “NOW LET’S HAVE OUR WELL-DESERVED BREAK-!” The three of you ducked as a large bone went sailing past your heads to crash into the wall.  “-FAST.  OH DEAR,” Papyrus and Blue shared a concerned look.

 

You would've asked what was the matter when you saw the cause for their odd behavior. Black, Red, and Sans were vehemently arguing.  Bones flew through the air as Black looked positively infuriated, whereas Red and Sans were more ardent in attempting to calm him down with varying degrees of little to no success.

 

“-ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS!  I AM THE BEST CHEF IN _MY_ UNDERGROUND AND I _REFUSE_ TO BE BROUGHT DOWN BY A GOOD FOR NOTHING KETCHUP GUZZLER!”

 

“black, it’s blue’s turn.  you had yours last week,” Sans tsked.  “if you wanna throw a baby squabble, why not do it outside and far away from the house?  this stuff isn't cheap you know.”

 

He leaned down to Sans’s height and snarled.  “ONLY IF YOU’LL BE THERE EXPECTING YOUR LONG-AWAITED DEATH.”

 

“ouch.”  Sans cheerfully hummed.  Red sweat dropped and hurriedly took a large gulp from his bottle of mustard.

 

“come on boss, don't let ‘im get to ya.”  Black brushed his brother off in favor of resuming his standoff with Sans.

 

“‘sides, it's not like the rest of us want you here anyway.”  Red sucked in a breath as Black began to shake.  Sans didn't seem to be aware that he had tipped the baking soda into the vinegar.

 

 **“NEED I REMIND YOU,”** his venomous words spat into Sans’s apathetic grin, his tone rising in volume as he became more and more passionate with every syllable he uttered **.  “THAT IT’S** **_YOUR_ ** **FAULT** **_WE’RE ALL EVEN HERE IN THE FIRST_ ** **-!”**

 

Papyrus and Blue hurriedly jumped in between Sans and Black before the situation escalated completely out of control. Papyrus placed his hands against Black while Blue mirrored the action with Sans.  “CALM DOWN, BOTH OF YOU!”  Blue commanded.  “THERE IS A _LADY_ PRESENT!”

 

All eyelights focused on you as the other skeletons were suddenly aware of your presence, and for all your years of training by your family to be dignified and grand, you found yourself giving an awkward cross between a smile and a wince as you spoke.  “Uhhh…”  You raised a hand and waved.  “Sup?”

 

“HOW GENIAL,” Black intoned sarcastically with a roll of his eyelights.  “WHAT A SPITTING IMAGE OF HIS MAJESTY.”

 

Sans shot him a warning grimace before he faced you.  “sorry ‘bout that y/n.  we're havin’ some technical difficulties with the food.”

 

“MORE LIKE YOUR EGO.”  A blue bone promptly thwacked Black upside the head.

 

He sputtered and whirled around to face Sans with renewed fury.  “SO IT _WAS_ YOU!”  You couldn't help but notice how smugly satisfied Sans looked with himself.

 

“If you would like,” you cleared your throat to catch their attention.  All the skeletons turned to face you expectantly.  “I can make today’s breakfast.  My father was never particularly skilled in the culinary arts, so I learned to make up for it.”

 

“BUT YOU'RE OUR GUEST,” Papyrus interjected.  “WE’D HATE TO IMPOSE-”

 

“It's quite alright.”  You comforted him.  “I don't mind, truly.  Besides, it's the least I can do to repay your kindness.”

 

Sans hesitated.  “well i guess.  if you're up for it.  is that alright with you blue?  it was supposed to be your turn this week.”

 

Blue smiled comfortingly at you and Sans with an enthusiastic thumbs up.  “I DON’T MIND AT ALL!  AS LONG AS MS.  ————— IS HAPPY, THEN I COMPLETELY SUPPORT HER DECISION.”  His eyelights were shining brilliant sky blue as he winked at you.

 

You felt yourself lightly blushing and shyly turned away from him.  He was soooo cute.   _Note to self: hug the adorable man-child as soon as possible._ You made your way into the kitchen and washed your hands.  “Do you all have any preferences?”

 

“eh, not really.”  Sans shrugged.  “you can make whatever you like.”

 

Red made a clicking sound.  “speak fo’ yerself.”  He grinned widely at you to reveal his gold tooth among his sharp array of pearl whites and-was he part piranha?  “i’d like y-hrk.” Sans and Black simultaneously jabbed their elbows into his side.  He glared at both skeletons in indignation.  “ah didn’ even say anythin’ yet!”

 

“EXACTLY/exactly.”  They shared a mutual look of understanding with one another before Black finally scowled and turned away in disgust. Apparently the two agreed on something.

 

With that small interaction aside, you settled on making the typical breakfast foods of eggs, french toast, pancakes, and waffles while the skeletons idly conversed with themselves.  You hummed a small tune as you quickly moved to the sides of the stove and the countertop as multi-tasked at making several of the various foods at the same time.  Papyrus and Blue would occasionally glance at you in amazement at how rapidly you moved, though you couldn't help but wish you could use your magic to go faster.

 

Once you finished, you settled on evening out the portions onto the pristine ivory plates and carefully balanced them on your head and arms to pass out to the skeletons.  You set each of their plates in front of them and an extra plate to the side.  Though you hadn't seen Orange yet, you were fairly certain that he would inevitably pop in for breakfast.  “I hope you all like it.  And if you'd like anymore I have some left for seconds.”

 

The skeletons curiously eyed their food for a moment before taking a bite.  You stood in front of the table with your hands clasped behind your back as you patiently waited for their verdict.  “Do you like it?”

 

Papyrus and Blue’s eyelights shimmered into stars as they twinkled in their sockets.  “WOWEE!  THIS IS AMAZING Y/N!”  Papyrus complemented and helped himself to another handful of waffles.

 

Blue nodded with stuffed cheeks.  “ISH WONDERFM!”  

 

After trying a bite Black’s eye sockets widened in surprise before he gave you a slow nod of approval.  “I’M...ACTUALLY IMPRESSED.”  He seemed uncomfortable in his admission and promptly looked down as he languidly helped himself to another bite.  “DON’T EXPECT THAT OFTEN BY THE WAY.”  It was nothing truly personal-he simply hated everything in varying degrees.

 

Red practically wolfed down his food.  “‘s like there's an orgasm in my mouth right now.”  

 

You blinked.  That was...a unique compliment, to say the least.

 

Black sighed and rubbed his forehead-fore skull?-wearily.  “EVERYDAY I AM REMINDED Of WHY I DESIRE VENGEANCE ON EXISTENCE ITSELF.”

 

“love ya too bro,” Red snickered as he ducked just in time to miss Black’s attempt in elbowing him to the head.

 

“welp,” Sans grinned at you.  “looks like we got ourselves a new chef.”

 

“YEAH!”  Blue and Papyrus nodded their heads eagerly.  

 

“WE OUGHT TO COOK TOGETHER SOMETIME Y/N!”  Papyrus eagerly shook his hands together.

 

“DON’T FORGET ME!”  Blue piped up.  “I HAVE A WHOLE BOOK OF RECIPES WE CAN TRY.”

 

“Sounds like a plan.”

 

Orange then walked-or more properly stumbled-into the room carrying a large toolbox with a various assortment of instruments sticking out as piles of what you assumed to be documents and blueprints of some sort were precariously stacked on top.  “Hey guys sorry I-woah!”  He suddenly tripped, tumbling forward to the floor.

 

Without even thinking your eyes flashed and you zoomed forward, grabbing Orange by the waist with one arm while the other darted above your side to catch the toolbox and move to the sides to add the documents and tools on top of it as they free falled.  Once you caught everything you looked down at Orange with a concerned frown.  “Are you alright?”

 

His eye sockets were wide with his mouth slightly ajar in surprise.  “Oh uh yeah, thanks.”  You helped stand him up and carefully set the toolbox and documents onto the floor.  He chuckled when you stood back up and offered you an admirable smile.  “Wow.  You're spritely.”  

 

“Thank you, I'm...faster than I look.”  You offered, though you quickly flushed at how implicative the statement was when he raised a bony ridge at you.  “Not pertaining to anything of _that_ sort, of course.”  Why were you so _awkward_?  Oh no-no human should be able to move that fast.  Had you just exposed your secret?

 

Instead, Orange hummed thoughtfully.  “Coolio.”  He went to sit next to his brother and you soon followed to place yourself to the remaining seat between Sans and Papyrus, mentally letting out a sigh of relief.  “So did Black burn the house down?”

 

“HAR HAR HAR, YOU’RE OH _SO_ FUNNY.”  Black intoned sarcastically.

 

“I know right?”  Orange cheekily grinned as Black gave him a dirty look.  Blue shook his head and smiled at you.  

 

“NOPE!  MS.  Y/N MADE BREAKFAST AND IT’S SUPER YUMMY!”

 

“You don't say?”  Orange took a bite and his eye sockets widened in surprise.  “Huh.  ‘S pretty good.”  He grinned at you and raised his fork in a mock toast.  “My compliments to the chef.”

 

“Thank you, I am glad you all enjoy it.”  You started to eat yourself, and the skeletons marveled at how you managed to maintain a straight posture while eating.  Somehow you made the look not so pretentious like Black did.

 

After breakfast Orange took up the troublesome toolbox and went with Red to their ‘workplace’.  “You coming Sans?”

 

“maybe later.  it's my turn to do the dishes.”  

 

“A’ight.”  The two left to what you assumed was mechanics while Blue and Papyrus went off to perfect their japing.  Black...well you weren't entirely sure what he was going to do, but you assumed it would have something to do with brooding in a dark corner based off of his disposition.

 

You stacked the plates and gingerly brought them to the kitchen sink.  You nearly started when he suddenly appeared beside you with his jacket’s sleeves rolled up to his elbows.  “heya.  need some help with that?”

 

“No thank you, I'm alright.”  You politely declined.  You took up a sponge and began to scrub one of the plates.

 

“you don't have to clean the dishes you know.  you already made us breakfast.”

 

“Yes but I want to help in any way I can.  Seeing as I’m taking residence here because of your generous hospitality, I'm obligated to repay you in some way.”

 

“but as a guest you ought to relax and let the host do the work.”  

 

Clever skeleton.

 

Yo frowned as you realized that you were practically beat.  “Very well.  If you're certain.”

 

“i am.  it's just dishes anyhow.”  Sans began to scrub a plate with a soapy sponge.  When he was in the process of drying the butter knives, you turned to leave.  Halfway out through the room you heard a crash as Sans dropped a plate and you abruptly turned around in concern.  “whoop-” the butter knives he was holding suddenly fell from his grasp.  Your eyes glowed and you dashed forward to catch them all in your hands as your body became a blur.  They landed perfectly between your fingers without a single cut.  

 

As you stood and handed them to the stout skeleton you realized your mistake.  You’d caught eight knives without a cut before they hit the ground in two seconds.  “huh.  you really _are_ fast, aren't ya?” you looked at Sans and gazed into his eyelights as he observed you.  His was unreadable, and your breath caught in your throat as silently took you in.  Then he chuckled.  “you gonna hand me those or are you gonna cosplay as wolverine?”

 

Twice was far too lucky.  You relaxed your tense body and handed him the knives.  “I'm afraid not.  I'm considerably lacking in the muscle and beard department.”

 

“i think you look _knife_ though.”  You cracks small half-smile at the attempted pun.  “I'm afraid I'd best be going Sans.  I’ll see you _spoon_ , okay?”

 

“sounds like a plan.”  You left, and Sans set the knives down on the countertop.  He lowly whistled to himself as he continued to scrub the plates.  Beside him, the knives which previously had an imperceptible blue glow to them hovered above the countertop an inch or so.  They had been held in place even as you'd caught them.  After you left the glow was gone, and Sans’s hand simultaneously ceased its own ethereal luminescence.  He hummed thoughtfully, his eyelights changing from a light blue to their usual white.  “interesting.”

  


On your way up the stairs you bumped into Blue and Papyrus.  Again?  What if you were startled and dropped something?

 

“HI MS. Y/N!”  The duo chorused.

 

“Hello.”

 

“SO PAPYRUS AND I NOTICED YOUR ROOM WHEN  WE ASKED YOU TO COME DOWN FOR BREAKFAST, AND WE COULDN’T HELP BUT OBSERVE THAT IT’S AWFULLY BARE.”

 

“I suppose so.  It's really not an issue.  The bed’s comfortable and the room area is spacious-”

 

“YES BUT WE WERE HOPING-WITH YOUR PERMISSION, OF COURSE-IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO MAYBE POSSIBLY LET US HELP YOU DESIGN YOUR ROOM?”

 

“Oh so like paint it?”  Blue and Papyrus nodded enthusiastically.  “UH HUH!”

 

You didn't have anything major going in today anyhow.  At the most you'd send an email to Jacques and Tracy to make sure everything was going alright.  “I don't see why not.”

 

“WONDERFUL!”  Blue clasped his hands together in excitement with Papyrus.  “WE’LL BE BACK WITH THE NECESSARY SUPPLIES POST HASTE!”

 

You nodded “O-” a furious wind swept the room as the two skeletons were gone and instantly returned clad in painting outfits as they carried tools and buckets of what you presumed to be paint.  “-Kay?”  That was fast.

 

“ALRIGHTY THEN,” Papyrus and Blue hooked their arms through yours as they led you to your room.  “LET US COMMENCE THE PAINTING!”

 

You helped the skeletons move your furniture and belongings into the closet and bathroom to set up large rolls of paper onto the bare floor.  You had changed yourself to wear overalls and rolled up your sleeves to match the skeletons in their light grey outfits.  “What parts would put like to paint Blue?  Papyrus?”

 

“I’LL DO THE CEILING.”

 

“YOU AND I CAN WORK ON THE LOWER WALLS Y/N!”

 

“Alright.”

 

“DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA OF WHAT YOU’D LIKE FOR THE THEME TO BE?”  Papyrus questioned.  

 

“Not really, no.”  What did you want your room to look like?  Seeing as this was a long-term stay, you wanted it to be something nice for the duration of the time you spent here.  But of what you weren't certain.  “What would you propose?”

 

Their eyelights sparkled in their sockets, with Blue’s turning into bright blue stars.  “OH OH!  I COULD MAKE WATERFALL AND LET THE WALLS HAVE AN AQUATIC THEME TO THEM!”

 

“Waterfall?”

 

“IT’S ONE OF MY FAVORITE PLACES BACK IN THE UNDERGROUND,” Blue explained.  You nodded in understanding.  “So in Ebott mountain, right?”

 

“YES.”  

 

“So if the lower walls are going to be aquatic…” You trailed off to stare up at the white ceiling.  Your gaze flickered back to the walls as you mentally pictured the scenery.  “How about a sunny sky, then?  For the ceiling.”  

 

Papyrus grinned.  “IT’S PERFECT.  BLUE CAN WORK WITH THE GLOWING DARKNESS OF WATERFALL AND I CAN MAKE A CLEAR BLUE SKY.”

 

“Sounds good.”

 

Blue eagerly grabbed your hand and lead you to one of the front walls.  “COME ON Y/N.  YOU CAN START PAINTING WITH ME FIRST.”

 

“Okay.”  Blue dipped his brush into the black paint and began to coat the wall with a generous helping of it.  You copied his movements and helped him fill in the parts he declared needed black or that spot needed blue there with a splash of white for a glowing effect.  After a while, your helpful duo stepped back to scrutinize the ‘Waterfall’ place Blue had sketched.

 

“IT LOOKS GOOD SO FAR.  BUT WON’T IT NEED THE ACTUAL BIOLUMINESCENT PART TO IT?”  Papyrus asked.

 

Blue frowned and placed a thoughtful hand under his chin.  “YES YES.  I’D LIKE TO MAKE IT GLOW IN THE DARK, BUT I DON’T KNOW FOR CERTAIN IF WE HAVE THE CHEMICALS NECESSARY FOR IT.”

 

“It looks great so far.”  You complimented.  And it did.  Turns out this Waterfall wasn't an actual waterfall, but a tunnel of some sort that had rivers and flowers you'd never seen before that filled the darkness with beautiful blue lights as the water sparkled.  Blue’s eyelights shone brightly as he looked at you.

 

“REALLY? THANK YOU!”  You both turned to Papyrus.  “How about you, Papyrus.

 

“I THINK IT’S GOOD.” He walked off the step stool to gesture to the ceiling.  “THOUGH I’M CONFLICTED ON WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD ADD CLOUDS OR PERHAPS GUSTS OF WIND FOR EFFECT.”

 

“I think it's lovely.”  You nodded to both Blue and Papyrus, a small half-smile coming across your face easily as you looked into their sweet, genuine expressions.  “Thank you, both of you.  I appreciate all the kindness and generosity you've shown me in the short time that we’ve known each other.”

 

They shyly blushed, bashfully rubbing the back of their skulls.  “AW HUMAN, YOU’RE MAKING ME BLUSH!”

 

As if on a whim, Orange walked into the room as he looked around.  “Hey Y/n have you seen Blue any-oh they're you are.”  He stopped when he noticed that his brother was in the room and raised an inquisitive bony ridge as he took in your outfits.  “What's with the get up?”

 

“PAPYRUS AND I HELPED Y/N PAINT HER ROOM.”  Blue gestured ardently around him with an eager grin.  “ISN’T IT PRETTY?  Y/N LIKES IT!”

 

Goodness, they were so easy to please.  You didn't think you could be melancholic around these two skeletons with all the exuberance they radiated.

 

“Looks great.”  Orange nodded in approval as he regarded Blue's contribution.  “Wow.  I actually mistook this for Waterfall.  Nice job, bro.”

 

“THANK YOU BROTHER!  OH, AND DO YOU KNOW IF WE HAVE ANY OF THOSE CHEMICALS THAT CAN MAKE SOMETHING GLOW IN THE DARK?  I’D LIKE TO ADD THAT TO REALLY MAKE THE PAINTING POP.”

 

“I think so.  Why don't you and Papyrus go have a quick break?  I found the puzzles you’ve been looking for.”  

 

Blue gasped and quickly hugged his brother.  “OH THANK YOU I’VE BEEN SEARCHING EVERYWHERE FOR THEM!  WHILE PAPYRUS AND I CREATE JAPES, COULD YOU PLEASE ADD THE GLOW IN THE DARK STUFF FOR ME?”

 

“Don't see why not.”

 

“THANKS BROTHER/THANKS ORANGE!”  The two called out as they raced out the door to what you presume was Blue’s room.

 

Orange chuckled at their antics and gave you a wink.  “I'll be back in a bit.”

 

“Sure.”  You were startled as Orange disappeared as suddenly reappeared with a large container in his hands. “You can teleport?”

 

“I dunno.”  You jumped when his voice was behind you and spun around to face him.  “Can I?”

 

You narrowed your eyes and half-heartedly pushed him.  “Cheeky lad.”

 

“Don't worry.  It's just monster magic.  It shouldn't have any second-hand effects on you.”  He moved the container to one side and walked to the wall.  “Welp, better get this on.”

 

You held your hands out.  “If you want, I could do it.  I'm sure Blue wouldn't mind.”

 

He positioned his hands on either side of the lid and popped it open.  “Nah, it's cool.  It's sort of on my honor as a big brother and host.”

 

Surely you would be interrupting his busy schedule.  Didn't you see him carrying immense tools specifically for the purpose of constructing intricate and complex machinery?  “I’d hate to be a bother-”

 

“Nonsense.  Think of it this way-you helped me out, so now I'm helping _you_ out.”

 

Orange was about to place a large brush into the container when he paused.  He stood and tucked a hand into his hoodie pocket and raised a finger on the other.  “Hey kid, wanna see something cool?”

 

It must have been rhetorical because suddenly his right eyelight burned orange as his raised hand glowed, the chemicals in the container swirling out in glowing he'd of orange as he languidly waved his arm around to plaster it along the walls while sparks of magic pulsed through the air and made your SOUL ache with longing at the familiar electrical sensation. When he was finished he lowered his hand, the color fading back to white as he tucked his hand into his pocket and turned to face to expectantly.  He grinned at your sparkling eyes and the admiration they shined with.  “So?  What'd ya think?”

 

That level of mastery required concentration on several points of interest, and he had done it so efficiently and fluently too.  Monster or not, that skill in the mystic arts was nothing short of the respect that was due.  “That was beautiful.”  You murmured earnestly.  “The way the color swirled and sparkles around your glowing motions is undoubtedly one of the coolest things I've seen.”

 

“Thanks.  I hate to brag, but magic is pretty handy for tedious things like that.”

 

“It would seem so.”  You noticed that there was a corner area of the ceiling that Papyrus missed.  Most likely he had forgotten to finish it for the exchange of puzzle making.  “I'll get that.”  You set the ladder in place and began to climb it with your paintbrush in hand.  Despite the height and your proximity, you were still unable to reach the troublesome corner.  You stretched, your body moving forward as you tried to press yourself as close to the ladder as possible.  “Almost got it-woah!”  You stumbled, the ladder falling backward-and you along with it.

 

A flash of orange filled your vision and suddenly you had strong arms firmly gripping your waist and thighs.  “Gotcha.”  Orange had used his magic to steady the ladder and caught you before you hit the ground.  “Looks like we’re even.”

 

“Oh,” you uttered in surprise, “you're rather...stronger than I expected.”

 

“Why?”  He playfully raised a bony ridge at you.  “‘Cause I'm a skeleton?”

 

“Oh no no no!”  You blushed, abashed.  “I mean that you appear to be thin and lanky for your tall body, so I assumed-”

 

Red causally strolled into the room.  “hey doll have you seen orange? he owes me a twenty-” he took in the sight of orange carrying you bridal style.  “huh.  ‘grats russ.”  He smirked.  “ah never thought you had it in ya.”

 

“I beg your pardon?”  What exactly was he assuming?

 

“nah, ya don't need it.  i’m just sayin’ it looks like he really _swept_ ya off yer feet and is gonna _jump your bones_?”

 

An embarrassed blush crossed your face as you realized the sensual implications of his words.

 

“Oh for pete’s sake.”  Orange carefully set you down and began to push Red out of the room.  “Unless you plan on helping, don't be a _paint_ -in the ass.”

 

“aw hey come on i know she’s a cutie but ya still owe me a-”

 

“Later means later.”  When he was gone you curiously eyed Orange.

 

“You don't exactly have an ass Orange.”

 

He chuckled.  He placed his hands in his pockets as he grinned down at you.  “I kinda can have a _can_ , honey.”

 

“I'm afraid I don't understand.”  You frowned.  “Forgive me if I overstep my boundaries-I don't mean to be demeaning or specist.  However, I assume that as a magical body constructed of living bones, you would not possess the ‘meaty parts’ a human such as myself would be familiar with.”

 

He bore a playful grin that was on the verge of a smirk.  “Just ‘cause I'm a skeleton doesn't mean I don't have a _dick_ sweetheart.”

 

“Oh.”  Well that escalated quickly.  He read the outright embarrassed look on your face and partially withdrew himself.  

 

“Sorry about that.  I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or anything.”

 

“It's alright.”  You half-smiled.  “From an outside perspective, I find it as crude as it is _humerus_.”

 

His tense form relaxed and you internally breathed a sigh of relief as the awkward atmosphere began to dissipate.  “Ah, That’s good.  I consider myself to be a _punny_ guy, not a _bone rattler_.”

 

Perhaps several puns or two wouldn't hurt.  Your dad used to adore them.  “Careful, Mr. Orange.  With all that strenuous effort on comedy you may get sick with terrible _femur_.”

 

He eyed you in surprise before he burst into a wide enthusiastic grin.  “I can't help that I'm _bone_ to be wild.”

 

“You, sir, are blasphemy upon the _sacrum_ \- _dy_ of all _rib-tickling_ punnery.”

 

Red popped his head back into the room.  “is this punny foreplay I hear?  ‘cause sign me up.”

 

Orange sighs.  “Sorry Y/n.  Looks like I'd better go before he decides to form an orgy like last time.”

 

Wait, what?

 

“you’re having an orgy an’ you didn't tell me?  good, wait till ah tell sans you're not as innocent as you let on stretch.”

 

“Please do.”  You grimaced.  Was Red this blatantly perverse with everyone or was it just women?  

 

Orange began to push Red out of the room once more.  “come on doll face, I'm fine with you ‘n’ me in a one night stand.  ah’m sure orange won't mind sharing.”

 

“I don't approve.  But I do look forward to spending more time with you in the future, Mr. Orange.”  He seemed like someone you could get along well with, and more than worthy of admiration with his talent.  

 

“Likewise Y/n.”

 

“geez get a room and get laid already.”

 

“Oh _can_ it, short stack.”  Orange winked at you and you giggled at the pun, your hand coming up to cover your mouth as a small smile played on your lips.  Upon seeing this Orange’s cheekbones took on a light orange tint as he left.  That was…huh.  You looked really cute when you smiled.

 

You gently closed the door once the two skeletons were gone and began to change into your casual clothes.  When you finished you decided to air out the room for awhile and explore your new surroundings.  Walking through the long corridors and halls, you saw several rooms distinguished apart from one another by small, rectangular plaques that bore their owner’s names in various colored fonts.  Though it was strange, considering how there were mentions of ‘Swap’ and ‘Fell’, with _S_ s and _P_ s here and there. What could that me-

 

“AGH!”

 

“Jeepers!”  You jumped back just in time as the ‘Fell’ P.’s door slammed open.  Black let out a small exclamation of surprise when he saw you.

 

“WHAT THE-HUMAN!  WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?”

 

“Walking around.”   ~~Having a heart attack.~~

 

He raised a bony ridge but dismissed your response nonetheless with a conformation of ‘HM.’  His eyelights scanned the hallways for a moment as he addressed you in a cautious tone.  “ANYONE FOLLOWING YOU?”

 

“No I don't think-woah!”  Black yanked you inside his room and quickly closed the door.  You opened your mouth to question him but he shushed you, raising a finger to his mouth.  He waited for a few moments before he nodded, letting out a low sigh of relief.  “OKAY.  I THINK WE’RE IN THE CLEAR.”

 

Was this incomprehensibility a monster thing or a guy thing?  Because you had no idea what any of the skeletons thought the were doing.  If they were even thinking of their instantaneous wims.  “Any particular reason for this abrupt summons?”

 

Black stiffened and open and closed his sharp mouth to speak, though whatever words he was attempting to draw out armed adamant on remaining incompressible sounds or silent syllables.  Finally he coughed into his closed fist and clasped his hands together.  “I REALIZE THAT MY BEHAVIOUR TOWARDS YOU THIS MORNING WAS...AT MOST RUDE AND UNCALLED FOR.  THOUGH I HATE LIFE TO THE POINT OF DESIRING VENGEANCE ON EXISTENCE ITSELF, THAT IS NO EXCUSE TO DEVIATE FROM THE OBLIGATORY GENTILITY MANDATORY OF A GENTLEMAN.”  He gently grasped your hand and brought it to his mouth in a quick motion of an ostentatious kiss.  “IF IT WEREN’T FOR YOUR FATHER, I WOULD NOT HAVE ANYONE TO CALL MY FAMILY.”  He frowned in remembrance.  “LASHING OUT AT YOU FOR SOMEONE ELSE’S-” you assumed he meant Sans by the way his expression darkened-”ACTIONS IS UNACCEPTABLE, AND I REGRET IT.  AND SO I SINCERELY HOPE YOU MAY ACCEPT MY APOLOGY.”

 

“I don't see why not.”  He nodded his head and stood back to his full height.  “THANK YOU.”

 

“Why did you pull me into your room though?”  

 

“I WAS ON MY WAY TO YOUR ROOM TO APOLOGIZE, BUT THEN YOU CAME HERE.  AS FOR THE YANKING, I’D RATHER NOT HAVE MY BROTHER, OR WORST YET, SANS JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS AND PESTER ME ENDLESSLY WITH THEIR FALSE ACCUSATIONS.”

 

“That makes sense, I guess.”  So Black was a decent, if blunt, guy.  If anything, he had borderline anger issues but was genuine in atoning for them.  What was going on with him and Sans, though?  “If you don't mind me asking, why are you so...aggressive...with Sans?  Did something happen between you two?”

 

A dark scowl adorned his features.  “I LOST MY HOME AND ALMOST EVERYONE IMPORTANT TO ME BECAUSE OF _HIM_ .  AND WHEN I TRY TO REPROACH HIM FOR IT EVERYONE DICTATES _ME_ AS THE VILLAIN.”

 

You nodded in sympathy.  “While I can't say I know Sans all that well to judge him, I can relate to how you feel.  One of my cousins is an absolute prick and always gets away with antagonizing me because of how everyone else in the family idolizes him.”

 

Black gesticulated enthusiastically.  “ _EXACTLY!_  IT'S’ LIKE YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO KNOWS WHAT AN ABSOLUTE BASTARD HE IS BUT NO ONE ELSE WILL LISTEN TO YOU BECAUSE-”

 

“-they're so much ‘holier than thou’ so you end up suffering in silence and when you do try to stand up for yourself you get

punished for it.”

 

Black put a mock grin on and slouched, stuffing his hands into his jean pockets.  “‘OH YOU’RE ANGRY FOR FORCIBLY BEING REMOVED FROM YOUR HOME?  SO SAD TO BAD!  YA GOTTA TAKE WHAT LIFE HANDS YA AND MAKE THE BEST OF IT OR THERE’S SOMETHING HORRIBLY WRONG WITH YOU’.”

 

You threw your back like a cadet and poked your nose up in the air in a supercilious manner.  “‘Whine whine whine, that's all you do little cousin.”

 

“‘DON’T YOU KNOW THAT SAYING IF LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS’-”

 

“-I complain about the lemons!”

 

“THERE’S A PROBLEM?  IT’S GOTTA BE YOUR FAULT EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN’T DO ANYTHING.”

 

“‘Look at how much the whole family loves me because I'm so perfectly better than you.  What's that?’”  You made a mock gasp of surprise.  “‘You’ll tell them the truth about me?  Oh, please.  You say it as if they’ll believe you’.”

 

“OH THANK STARS,” He breathed out a large, ecstatic sigh of relief and clasped your hands into his.  “SOMEONE _GETS_ ME.”

 

“I'm your official go-to-gal if you ever need to vent.”  You offered it in earnest.  He relinquished your hands from this  as he withdrew himself. “Though I'd appreciate a warning in advance before you decide to throw me into your room."

 

“...NOTED.”

 

You fixed the ruffles on your shirt and lightly rolled on the balls of your feet.  “So I guess I'll be going then.”

 

“VERY WELL.  OH, AND Y/N-” he stopped you in the middle of the doorway.  “IF MY BROTHER’S ANTICS ARE TOO MUCH FOR YOU, LET ME KNOW AND I’LL DEAL WITH HIM.”

 

“Thank you for the offer Black.  Surely he's not that bad-”

 

“DID ASHTRAY TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME RED SANG BO BURNHAM’S SONG _LEFT BRAIN, RIGHT BRAIN_ TO A BAR OF HOOKERS IN AN ATTEMPT TO GET LAID?”

 

“I hope he wasn't put down to badly.”  Sure he deserved it, but you still couldn't help but pity Red.

 

“OH NO, HE SURPRISINGLY MANAGED TO SCORE A FEW ONE NIGHT STANDS”.

 

“Wha-seriously?”

 

“BO BURNHAM IS EVIDENTLY AN EXTREMELY POPULAR COMEDIAN AND LOVER AMONG WOMEN AND RED USED IT TO HIS POTENTIAL.”

 

“...That is as hilarious as it is disturbing.  And who’s Ashtray?”

 

“INDEED.  THOUGH THE MAIN ISSUE IS THAT THE LINE BETWEEN THE TWO IS BLURRED.  OH, AND ASHTRAY IS ORANGE.  HE HAS A BIT OF A SMOKING HABIT.  HE’S NOT AS BAD AS SANS, BUT HE CAN BE ANNOYING.”

 

That was strange.  You'd gotten along fairly well with Orange earlier.  “How so?”

 

Black grimaced.  “AS THE SELF-PROCLAIMED ‘KING OF PRANKS’, HE SEES TO IT THAT NO ONE IS SPARED FROM HIS CHILDISH ANTICS.”

 

“What kind of pranks does he pull?”

 

“MOSTLY MESSY SURPRISES LIKE BANANA CREAM PIES OR WHOOPEE CUSHIONS.  SOMETIMES HE QUOTES MEMES.”

 

You stared at Black incredulously.  “No.”  

 

Black deadpanned.  “THIS IS WHAT HE TOLD ME WHEN HE WAS RAMBLING ABOUT MAKING A FROGGIT HIS ‘DAT BOI’: WHO BE MEMEES?  FROM THE MASTER OF WENIS, HE HAS...A MEME.  A MEME THAT ONE DAY, HE HOPES TO MEME THE MEME FROM MISSISSIPPI THAT COLORADO WILL GO FROM MEME TO MISSISSIPPI AND MEME SO THAT ALL MEME DUDAS AND CHICAS WILL MEME EQUALLY.  HAIL TO ALL YO MIGHTY PEPE, PRAISE BEJEEBUS, AND OH HOT JAM THIS IS MY DAMN.’”

 

…..

 

You would have to find Orange later and take a quick look at his SOUL to make sure he was doing okay.  

 

“I...I’m speechless.”

 

Black shuddered.  “EXCELLENT MEMORY.  IT’S BOTH A BLESSING AND A CURSE.”

 

You nodded in agreement.  Your dad complained about something similar when he accidentally walked in on you changing your bloody feminine napkin and later on explaining to you how he wished there was a mind-erasing spell that worked on people with photographic memory.  “You have my deepest condolences.”

 

You opened Black’s door and gave him one last wave.  “It's been nice talking to you Black.”

 

He nodded to you.  “LIKEWISE Y\N.” And with that you walked back to your room as Black closed the door behind him.

 

You admired how pretty your room looked thanks to the skeletons and then began to dress out of the painter’s outfit you wore.  You were just about to put a shirt on when Red walked into the room.  “hey kid do ya know where sa-” he stopped as his eyelights noticed a strange, large marking on the center middle of your back.  It didn't look like a tattoo.  If anything, it looked like someone burned a strange symbol that popped out on your skin color of a dark, cloudy figure with a swirling cloak as its sharp, jagged hands grabbed the number 100 that encased it and was ostentatiously slowly breaking it.  

 

You stiffened in surprise and spun around to see Red’s curious expression.  So he saw it.  Damnit!  Nonetheless you found yourself asking him, “Red what did you see?”

 

“nice curves an’ a weird symbol on yer back.  where’s that from, by the way?”  He watched as a shudder shook your body and glanced up to your face to see a pained, haunted look flash through your eyes before it disappeared.  “Not important.  Sorry.  I don't want to talk about it.”  You broke off and realized you still had not put a shirt on.  You eyed Red cautiously as you did so, and apart from a few wanting looks he gave you he didn't do or say anything.

 

He noticed your surprised expression and raised a bony ridge at you.  “...what?”

 

“I may have...been told to expect you to be...lecherous.”

 

“pfft, ah guess.”  He chuckled.  “but that doesn't mean i’m gonna harass anyone for it.”

 

?

 

He rolled his eyelights at your look and explained, “ah may be a pervert but tha’ don't mean i act on mah whims ya know.  ‘s long as my partner gives consent i don't do nothing.  ‘s like that saying from one of alphys’s weird cartoons: ya can't force love on others.’”  A sad expression crossed his skeletal face.  “learned that the hard way.”

 

“That's very commendable of you Red.  Many people would carelessly act on their carnal desires without regard for how others felt about it,” you complimented.

 

“aw shucks, sweetheart.”  He grinned widely, his sharp teeth and one golden tooth oddly enough suited him and he somehow looked somewhat cute-like Blue, in a way-as a slight red tinge touched his cheekbones.  “ah’m just ah silly ole bag o’ bones.”

 

“Still, your self-control is laudable.  Oh and what was that thing you came in here for?”

 

“d’ya know where my bro is?”  That was Black, right?

 

“I think he’s in his room.  I saw him when I was exploring the hallways.”

 

“ah thanks.  welp, i’ll see ya later.”  He short-handed waved to you but paused at your doorway and spun around on his heels.  “oh an’ my offer still stands if ya ever change yer mind.”

 

What off-oh.  For some reason a tired grin played on your lips.  “No, Red.”

 

“hey, just sayin’.  ya know, ‘cause ah’ve got a skeleton of things we could d-”. You gently pressed your hands on his back and helped him out.  “No Red.”

 

“but what if ‘yes red?’”

 

You sighed and decided to give him something.  After all, he had seen you shirtless and didn't do anything weird or creepy about it, and he was respecting your boundaries.  So you placed a hand on his chin and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek.  “You are incorrigible Red.”

 

He stared up at you in surprise, his eyelights searching your face as his mouth slightly hung open in confusion.  A red hue adorned his cheekbones and most of his face as sweat began to trickle down his skull.  “i-i-i-wha?”  He stammered, not used to such innocent affection that suddenly everything was too hot and uncomfortable and he had to go _now_.

 

“o-okay nice to know bye that!”  And he disappeared.  Hmm.  So he must be capable of teleportation like Orange.  You wondered who else could teleport.

 

With that you closed your door and sat down at your desk.  Munching on a Matcha green tea cookie you typed up Jacques and Tracy.  First you sent an email to your precious baby to see how she was doing.

 

‘Hello Tracey this is Y/N.  Is everything alright?’  You sent it and waited for several minutes.  No response.  You frowned worriedly and glanced at the time on the screen.  Almost mid-day.  Tracey should've responded by now.  

 

“Maybe she’s sleeping or something,” you comforted yourself.  Yet the tenseness in your lower abdomen didn't relent.

 

Next was Jacques, your non-biological father.  ‘Hello Jacques how is everything?’

 

A few minutes later and he responded.  ‘Mistress Y/N are you alright?  No disturbances?’

 

‘No, I am safe, thank you.  And the skeletons are graciously hospitable hosts.’

 

‘Oh, I am so glad!  Charles did so enjoy their company.’

 

That was your dad alright.  Always trying to get along with everyone.  You smiled to yourself as you typed up your next response.  ‘How is everything at the mansion?’

 

‘I am fine and so is the rest of the family.  Everything is relatively the same, with them stopping by once in awhile.  Though you cousin Conner is dead set on moving the Tournament forward.’

 

That little shit!  ‘But the Tournament’s always been held on the same day when it is time to choose the head of the family.’   

 

‘I know, yet with your father’s passing Conner argues that we need it all the sooner because of your...erm...inadequacy.  His words, not mine.  I still say you should kick his sorry derrière.’

 

‘I plan to.  Still, I'm glad everything’s more or less okay for you familial wise.  How about politics?  Am I scheduled for anything?’

 

‘As a matter of fact, you have a meeting tomorrow at precisely one p.m.  with the Monster Ambassador and the king and queen.  I think it’s something to do with the inexplicable rise of the daemons.’

 

Your fist tightened and you had to wait a few moments before you responded.  ‘I see.  What time do you think you can pick me up?’

 

‘11:30 should give us ample time to arrive.  Is that alright?’

 

‘I'll inform the skeletons.  One last thing-have you been in contact with Tracey lately?  She's not responding to my emails.’

 

‘No I haven't.  Would you like me to keep an eye out for her?’

 

‘Thank you, but I'm sure it will be alright.  She's most likely going to stop by at the meeting.  If not, I'll look for her when it's over.’

 

‘Very well.  Is there anything else you need?’

 

‘No.  Thank you Jacques.’

 

‘Bien sûr madame.’

 

You signed out and decided you'd inform the skeletons later.  Right now, though, your mark was burning and you needed some meditation to cool you off.   As you made your way to your bureau you noticed that you left your bookmark in your father’s book.  You bent forward and opened the book to pull it out and was flicking it shut when you noticed an odd page.  

 

Raising an eyebrow you opened the book up and your eyes widened in surprise.  There was that strange machine again. But this time, you symbols and markings that all encircled a skeleton with strange marks going up and down his eye sockets, and next to them was a note that said something like, ‘Objective near completion.  Assistance from S. Squelette, R. Squelette, and O. Squelette proving effective.’

 

You frowned.  Squelette was the last name of the skeletons here.  But who bore the initials S, R, and O-?  Your eyes widened in shock.  Sans, Red, and Orange.  This was-this didn't make any sense.  Your father only conducted business or the occasional social hangout with the skeletons in matters of medicine.  

 

So what on earth did those three have to do with your father?

 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay this will have multiple chapters but technology is being an dick and saying that it's only gonna have one. So ignore that. There will be more.
> 
> Curse you, technology and your inexplicable hatred towards me.


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